If you were living in North Korea right now, starving, dirt poor trying to survive on a diet of rats, grass, soil and tree bark quenching your thirst by drinking out of mud puddles in the ground.
Oh, and there's also the conceivable chance of being sent to a political prison camp for years on end just because you innocently thought out loud one day to a bunch of friends where you are then beaten, tortured, and left so hungry that you are forced to dig and consume the grains out of faeces, or the maggots from dead bodies just so you have the energy to perhaps last one more day.
You'd probably wanna escape.
But how?
The North Korean government refuses to let its citizens leave, a clear violation of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, viewing escapees as traitorous criminals, who, if caught, would be subject to unimaginable torture and often public executions.
If they are successful in their escape, then three to four generations of their family back home would be sent to prison camps, to rot ... or worse.
This is a strong deterrent.
But this still doesn't stop desperate North Koreans from tempting fate.
In this post, I'll go over the seven ways to escape North Korea, including the most dangerous, the most unforgiving, the most unique, and the most unexpected.
We'll start with what seems the most obvious choice, crossing the Korean DMZ that's the Korean demilitarised zone that separates North and South Korea.
Those who know little about Korea might think: Why not just cross here? (Bad idea)
The 250 km DMZ is the most heavily, militarised border in the world, guarded by almost two million troops on both sides.
If you try to escape this way, you're likely to either step on a landmine, get electrocuted, or be gunned down in cold blood This is the most dangerous way to escape North Korea.
But that doesn't mean it's impossible.
Under these conditions, civilians just about never make it across safely, and that's why almost all successful DMZ crossings are from North Korean soldiers who were, actually, supposed to be guarding the border.
This is not the route to take for the average North Korean.
But perhaps traveling by sea, is a more acceptable option.
In the last 40 years, some North Korean families have attempted to make the journey by boat to South Korea.
With no passport, visa or money, South Korea is the most logical destination, as the South Korean government welcomes all North Korean refugees with open arms considering them their own citizens.
It's the easiest way to overall safety and security.
Now, if you're escaping by sea, you can either leave from the west coast or the east coast.
If you leave from somewhere here, it is geographically and navigationally easier but since the government is well aware of that, you're likely to be caught by their naval patrols.
Up here, you can try a different route.
A safer one perhaps, further out to sea... except it's not really safer.
The seas are unpredictable and many things can go wrong.
Remember, you're dirt poor and you're probably on a small, flimsy boat with no real navigational equipment.
The current could take you back to North Korea or you could end up in China, perhaps equally as bad.
North Korean defectors are considered illegal economic migrants in China, and with the two countries being allies, those captured would be repatriated back to a life of horror.
So maybe try departing from the east coast.
Here, the conditions are more dangerous in a way, but unlike the west coast if you drift too far, you'll reach the safety of Japan, and the Japanese are not going to send you back to North Korea.
You're free to carry on.
To avoid being spotted by North Korean patrols, you can always try swimming to South Korea.
Not really recommended as you'll probably freeze or drown, but if you're a strong swimmer, you might have a chance.
Now, the next three all start off the same way, by crossing the northern border into China.
It's less risky than the DMZ, but that's like saying Kim Jong-il is less cruel than Kim Jong-un.
Both options suck.
Nonetheless, up here you have the choice of crossing either the Yalu River or the Tumen River this is the border between North Korea and China.
The Tumen river is the more popular route as it is generally an easier crossing point.
But even so, most don't make it across alive.
Dead bodies are often seen floating downstream.
North Korean border patrol also maintain a significant presence in the area.
Guards will shoot you at will if they see you escaping, and many even hide underground pointing their guns upwards through holes, waiting for the opportune time to surprise you with a shower of bullets.
Now if you make it to China without dying or being caught, life doesn't get much easier.
We already know that the Chinese authorities can arrest you and send you back at any time, but there's also the chance of being kidnapped for human trafficking.
Many North Korean escapees get caught up in this black market trade, men are sold as slaves, and women are often forced into prostitution.
Or if lucky, they'd be sold as wives to Chinese villagers living deep in the countryside.
I say lucky because many women in this situation actually consider themselves fortunate.
There's now a roof over their head and food on the table, an upgrade from life in North Korea.
Those who aren't trafficked have to adapt to life in the slums and on the run.
They can't get a job legally and there's no medical care.
It's quite possible that if you get sick or injured, you just die on the streets.
Not surprisingly, for many escapees, China isn't supposed to be the endgame.
It's obviously not sustainable.
South Korea is still the intended destination for the reasons I've already mentioned.
So, if possible, it would seem to make sense to head to the South Korean embassy to seek asylum or the office of the United Nation High Commissioner for Refugees, both in Beijing.
But once again, it's not that easy.
The Chinese police often stake out the South Korean embassy and the UNHCR office likely to arrest any North Koreans before they even make it in.
If you are lucky enough to get in, yes the Chinese can't get you, as there's immunity within the embassy but for how long?
Even if South Korea approves your defection, you're going to have to leave the embassy at some point to get to a plane to fly to Seoul.
So you're still going to have to set foot in China, and that's when Chinese authorities can grab you.
You don't want to end up in a situation like Julian Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks, who's now trapped indefinitely at the Ecuadorian embassy in London.
Because of this, the next best option is to somehow make your way to a third country, that has close ties to South Korea and, preferably, minimal ties to North Korea so you can freely get to an embassy without fear of arrest and repatriation.
This is where Asia's Underground Railroad comes into play.
This dangerous network of routes that takes you through China's underground is meant to lead to safe haven in Southeast Asia.
But Southeast Asian countries have varying levels of commitment to North Korea.
Vietnam, Cambodia and Myanmar can be options for some, but the chances of deportation once caught, are quite high.
Thailand, on the other hand, appears the safest option.
North Koreans aren't given refugee status in Thailand, but the Thai government will deport them back to 'Korea'.
Not to North Korea, but to South Korea where they'd be safe.
In fact, many North Koreans will surrender themselves to the Thai police as soon as they cross the border into Thailand.
The journey from China to Thailand isn't straight forward though.
It's fraught with peril and uncertainty, and at any moment you can be caught by police who frequently stop buses and trains to check passports and identification.
If they question you, your lack of Chinese or your heavy North Korean accent would give it away Now, if you make it to the southern border, you have to go through Laos, to get to Thailand.
Laos, similar to China, isn't friendly to defectors so it's too risky to cross near the border checkpoint.
Instead, you have to detour through the Laotian jungle and mountainous terrain.
If you're able to make it across Laos, well you're almost there.
The Mekong River is the final obstacle, and crossing that border, you've now made it to the relative safety of Thailand.
The South Korean embassy should take care of the rest.
Now, more treacherous than Asia's Underground Railroad may be escaping through the Gobi Desert, to Mongolia.
The Gobi Desert is a vast, barren region in northern China and southern Mongolia, known for it's dunes, mountains, and temperature extremes with the occasional roaming snow leopards, bears and wolves not a place you want to cross.
Despite this, the appeal of a much shorter journey to Mongolia makes it a legitimate option.
Also Mongolia, unlike like some other Asian countries, has shown to be sympathetic towards North Korean refugees often sending them straight to South Korea with minimal bureaucratic resistance.
Over the years, however, tightened border control has made traveling the Gobi desert route less common.
So far we've only talked about resettlement in South Korea but defectors can also seek asylum in Western countries maybe through foreign embassies, the UNHCR, NGO's or physically making the arduous trek to a country's border and tapping on the shoulder of a border guard.
There are several reasons why a North Korean would choose a Western country over the guaranteed security of South Korea.
It could be related to discrimination, life opportunities or friends and family, just to name a few.
There have actually been people from other countries who have pretended to be North Korean defectors in order to gain refugee status, so the vetting process very strict.
Sometimes a genuine North Korean defector will be wrongly accused of being a fraudster and get deported back to the country they think he's from.
And if that country is China.... well that's just cruel.
As of now, there's somewhere between a thousand to two thousand North Korean refugees living in Europe.
Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden and the UK are all reported to have small North Korean communities.
The largest in Europe is in South West London with approximately 700 defectors.
It should be noted that Great Britain has accepted more North Koreans than almost any other country and provided them with homes, financial support and other social benefits.
Trying to seek asylum in the US is always an interesting dynamic as North Koreans are taught to regard the American Imperialists as evil from a young age.
They are North Korea's greatest enemy after all.
Even though defectors are likely to harbor ill-will towards their own government it's hard to escape their propaganda that they've been exposed to all their lives.
As such, many would rather seek asylum elsewhere.
But then there are those who realise that if America is supposed to be the great enemy of the regime that they're escaping from, then they're probably safe there.
There's one catch though, the processing time for the application can take up to several years and with no stability, anything can happen during that time.
One particular defector revealed - he had made his way through Asia's Underground Railroad, to Thailand.
But when he found out the wait time could be years, he decided to hop on a boat to Argentina, trek through the South American terrain, then cross the Mexican border with a bunch of Mexicans.
Today he is a US citizen.
We don't have to illegally cross any borders for this next one.
North Korea is notoriously known for it's labor camps, where people live under insanely harsh, working conditions.
But it's not just within their own country that this happens.
North Korea outsources its labor force to several other countries including Poland and Russia.
Russia has the largest North Korean work force outside the DPRK when it comes to labor camps.
People who are chosen to work in these camps, usually logging camps, live and work in remote regions of Russia's Far East.
Squalid living quarters, inedible food, insane work hours, ridiculously minimal pay - often withheld pay and fixed 10-year contracts are the norm in this wintry hell-hold.
Despite this, many North Koreans fight tooth-and-nail to be the ones selected to work overseas; to work as, essentially, slave labourers.
This is because working in Russia, even under these conditions, can seem favourable to the misery back home.
But there's another reason why... (Escape!)
No heavily guarded borders, no landmines, you just have to escape from the labor camp.
Of course if it were that easy, we'd have a lot more defectors in the world.
In order to qualify for these Siberian labor camps you have to go through an extreme vetting process by the government.
You have to be in good physical condition, you have to have a history of toeing the party line and - and this one's a biggie - you have to be married with children.
Why?
Hostages.
If you escape, your wife and kids will suffer the consequences.
You can imagine, this is enough to keep most workers in line.
But it's not full-proof.
If you're able to trick party officials into getting the job, and are able to later smuggle your family out of North Korea you might have a chance.
Of course, you can always circumvent that last part by ditching your family altogether and sadly, this happens too often.
To even put people in this situation is infuriating for many of us watching, but when you find out almost all the money that these workers earn get sent back to Pyongyang to fund pointless nuclear projects and Kim Jong-un's life of luxury it's too much.
Finally, we get to the one that's different from all the rest.
The last six were mainly directed towards North Koreans who were poor or had little to no social privileges.
It's a completely different dynamic when it comes to the North Korean elite.
They have security and stability so defections are comparatively rare.
But they still happen.
It isn't the hunger or poverty that's the driving factor here, but intellectual freedom or political beliefs.
Many of the privileged come from families working for the North Korean government, military or state businesses abroad and are therefore more likely to have unfiltered exposure to other cultures and their media.
This exposure is still heavily restricted by the government, and often times illegal, but having money, grants you access, one way or another and once your eyes are open to how the rest of the world lives there may be no going back.
Especially for the emerging generation who are filled with unmatched ambition and drive.
If you're of Pyongyang's elite and have decided to defect, it is so much easier.
You have the funds to pay escape brokers to smuggle you out of the country.
If you're caught by border security, you can bribe your way out.
You can afford fake South Korean passports and IDs so even if you're stopped by, say, Chinese police, you wouldn't look the part of an impoverished defector, especially with your blinged out appearance.
You can also pay for flights instead of making your way through Asia's underground railroad or the Gobi desert.
Even better if you're a student, who has the rare opportunity to travel or study overseas, maybe you're an exchange student in Europe or representing North Korea in some sort of an international competition this makes escaping a lot more straightforward.
Of course delegations travelling overseas are always kept on a tight leash so you would still have to be extremely careful.
Don't forget your family back home would also likely suffer if you escaped so it's never that easy.
If you're a North Korean diplomat who is stationed overseas, it's physically quite easy to escape, but as a result, it's policy to have to leave your children behind in Pyongyang when you are dispatched abroad.
Once again, hostages.
Fortunately for Thae Yong-ho, North Korea's former deputy ambassador to Britain, he managed to convince the state to allow him to take his children and wife to London.
Being a high-ranking member of the regime, he was granted this privilege.
With nothing holding him back, he was now able to defect to South Korea with his whole family.
Thae is the highest-profile North Korean defection in recent times and was a huge blow to the DPRK.
After his escape, North Korean state media did what they always do.
In an attempt to save face, and after denouncing him as 'human scum', they accused him of embezzling state funds, spying for money, and of course, raping a child.
Thae has now dedicated his life to taking down Kim Jong-un and the North Korean regime.
And this, is really the only way to truly make your escape from North Korea taking down the regime as no matter what route you took, or where you ended up the North Korean government will always try and hunt you down.
Especially if you're an outspoken critic or a perceived threat to Kim Jong-un's power.
Just ask his half-brother.
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